Isn't it easy to pick our kids apart?

We see a behavior that lights a fire

in us as parents and in we go

for the change.

This past week one of our boys

had a weak moment of talking down

to his brother.

I jumped in immediately and 

made the corrections. 

Lots. Of. Corrections.

He backed down a little bit but 

was still in it to win it.

Being exhausted with discussing the 

same issue over and over...

I didn't leave much room for his 

words. 

Later that night our daughter was

not in her happy place before bedtime

and honestly I wasn't either.

I had spent the day making school creative

and fun. We had girl time.

We drank coffee and laughed.

Then her words stung me that afternoon.

As her brothers came home from their class

they began to unfold the events of the morning and

little miss decided to inform them of

how boring her morning was.

Really? What a brat!

Lesson 1 that day:

We can choose to not allow 

the behavior of our

kids in 10 minutes of the day 

to set the tone for the other 720.

I chose to be disappointed in her

ungrateful spirit.

I should have chosen to speak gently to her words

and give her an opportunity to respond...

BUT

without an expectation that would determine the

course of my day.

I let her win that afternoon and because she won

my heart was bitter in every other conversation.

I knew emotionally I was done for the day...

Oh my word please tell me you have been here?!

Like, DONE.

I couldn't get her tucked in fast enough that night.

The normal routine was not happening.

No cuddles, no books, no prayers.

Just fan on, nightlight on, lamp off

and "goodnight I love you" as the door was closing.

Right after I turned off the lamp

in walked that son

who knew Momma was not a peace.

He knew his words had gone too far.

He sensed that I needed help

on more levels than one.

Don't you love it when 

kids come back

to restore?

I was done. He was not.

Lesson 2 that day:

We can choose to

 enter into a tough situation.

 One where we have been hurt.

Especially one where we 

did the hurting. 

 Just by walking into that room 

he showed me that he cared, 

and he was not willing to

 let the night end without

bringing the peace.

 My son was teaching me about grace. 

He was the example
I should have been to my daughter.

He came in her room and watched

as I went through the motions.

I avoided eye contact in his silence 

not because I was mad...but because I 

was on the cliff of uncontrollable tears.

Then he spoke.

" Mom I am really sorry I argued with you. Please

forgive me."

"I forgive you bud. Its okay, Moms heart is just heavy."

"Well I want to say that I have been working

on getting along better with the sibs. I'm sorry if

I made a wrong choice."
I thanked him and closed her door.

Meanwhile at the table,
the family was setting up a game of CLUE.

I was invited to join in by the littlest brother

about 5 times...

As we cleared the table after dinner.

In his sisters room as I got her in bed.

Down the hallway as he followed me to my room.

Through the door of the bathroom that I had shut...

and one last time

as I climbed into bed in tears.

Through the door he said, 

"Momma whats wrong?"

"Momma are you okay? You don't have to play."

I responded broken,
"I'm fine baby. Moms just done for the day."

Lesson 3 that day:

We can choose to forgive

 and move on in a moments notice.

Our kids do this well. 

I missed out that night...

I needed space but could have moved on.

We are professionals at holding on

 to past hurts and unnecessary comments.

This guy should have been upset too.

He was a recipient of 

the brotherly smack talk all afternoon,

yet he was pursuing his Mom

 with a fresh perspective and joy.

In the hustle of parenting, we often find ourselves
in the teacher role.
Sometimes we need to step back to learn from the ones
that share the rooms of our home and celebrate
when they show more maturity than we do!

The arrival of spring has a way with me.

The green,
the growth,
the sneezes and coughs.

Each new rain reminding me of my own 

willingness or stubbornness to be weeded and washed.

Often times we find ourselves

 consumed with the growth of others.

We may come a across a post of someone who

we immediately feel the need to judge and correct.

Lovingly of course because we love Jesus...

With their best in mind of course because we care.

 Our focus conveniently 

turns outward rather than inward

where the real beauty change needs to happen.

Have you been there?

Maybe you have a list of people

who just aren't meeting your expectations.

We have spoken too soon,

and then hid under the carpet with the issue at hand.

Some days we allow a weed to grow taller

rather than pull it and make room for healthy growth.

Other days we say we are
 "planting" or "watering"

but really not leaving room for a God sized shower.

"You visit the earth and water it;

you greatly enrich it;

the river of God is full of water..."

Psalm 65:9

We just might find ourselves overly determined
 to pull the weeds from a friends life that

we abandon our own weed infested heart.

Oh the peace that would come 

with frequent pruning and weeding.

 In our efforts to clean them up...

our own lives become infested with the weeds of

pride

control

and that ugly word

manipulation.

Have you had a moment when

you tricked yourself into believing that you

had the remedy to remove the weeds of sin

in another?

"You water its furrows abundantly,

settling its ridges,

softening it with showers,

and blessing its growth."

Psalm 65:10

Obviously I've seen this in my own life

on many well meaning occasions!

When we fix our eyes on our own initiatives

we lose sight of His.

Jesus just may be leading that friend

who we so desperately want to prune.

They just may be walking close to the spirit.

Through our determination

 to be the game changer

 in the life of another,

we must stop ourselves and make

sure our motives are in

 grace and not of grumbling.

That we are rooted in forgiveness 

and not in fear.

In our seeking to save

we seek to sacrifice our own plans.

As the showers wash over spring,

and we see the growth taking place...

It is my hope and maybe yours as well

that we tend to the weeds

in our own lives daily.

My friends, as long as the heart

of another isn't the first place we go

to begin spring cleaning, 

we can walk 

in light of our own growth 

making it possible

to guide another by example

 in words and in actions.

As I look into my own backyard,

I see freshly laid mulch in the beds around

our pool deck.

Just a week old and there are already

 weeds pushing through.

A beautiful reminder that even

 a well groomed flower bed

can be quickly overtaken.

What weeds need to be pulled in your own life?

Whose weeds do you need to stop pulling up?

Yesterday was one of those

days in Motherhood.

You know the kind where you just struggle

to display a good attitude?

An inner war had

 taken up camp in my heart. 

Back and forth 

I fought 

with trying to 

surrender

but couldn't resist going in for the 

attack.

In one sentence I was correcting my 

son for raising his voice at me.

I reminded him of the disrespect he was showing

even if he thought he was joking.

Can you relate? Please?

The battle continued hour by hour.

I so desperately wanted to teach him

a better way to communicate.

I knew what I needed to do,

but failed to let grace onto 

the scene.

Like any other parent,

I just didn't have the patience

or the self control in the heat

of the battle to calmly

share with my boy.

It didn't take long until my responses

to his behavior were much louder and

came accompanied by threats 

of "no cookies"

or "miss the movie"!

My older ones

knew I was asking one thing

and living out another but 

should they call me out,

they too would have to dodge

the cannons.

Do you ever do that?

Ask your child to lower his or her voice

while you are in fact raising yours?

That very situation

 got me thinking about 

all the other times 

throughout our days

 where we 

expect one thing 

yet good old fashioned pride

wins and do the

exact opposite. 

Days when you...

inform your son that

his complaining needs to stop

when you just finished a

 gripe session of your own?

tell your teenage daughter to get off her

phone while you are on yours?

request that a Grandparent not

feed your child something

that you know you've given them?

expect a friend to care about

you in a way you wouldn't?

Thankfully when pride enters the 

front lines...

we can raise 

the flag of humility

and call off the war.

The reality is,

we can fail in front of each other

and its better that way.

The result of that fail is,

determined by our willingness to 

ask for forgiveness.

Both the fail and the forgiveness

grow us.

When we are willing to show humility

our kids see and learn a better way.

How often are our expectations

mandatory for them

but optional for us?

I just settled down into my favorite work space.

It feels so crazy to be gone from this place

after a 9 week pause.

God has a sneaky way 

of crafting His plan.
 He has kindly interrupted 

the lives of the Howells
 with another baby bundle.

Just when I felt like I was rising early 

to hear His voice.

 to receive His teaching, 

encouragement,

 and correction...

He was waking my spirit

 and preparing me

to be surprised!

If you follow this blog, you know that 

God drastically rearranged my habits
and set a renewed passion for rising early
to start my day.
Much to my delight...

He was growing more than just my heart those

early mornings. 

He was growing a tiny human being.

The desire of my heart to experience the joy

of one last baby was taken last Christmas.

As I worked through the grieving and 

loss of hope, Jesus brought peace.

The journey is not always joy filled

but it is always for our best and His glory.

Easy to type, difficult to receive.

These words of Matt Redman
speak to me in the great and in the hard days.

"In battle, in blessing

your love never fails us.

unending, unchanging

what could come against

your love for us?

You are good forever and your love endures...

Jesus always, your love remains...

You are good."

I went from having plans to

write and develop a ministry 

that flowed from writing down my own days,

to having that desire removed completely

as my focus literally

 turned inward

to the life beating

 inside of this Momma.

I have been gloriously sick all day for 

several weeks...and happy about it!

Exhaustion quickly set in and removed

my morning wake up calls.

Afternoon naps consumed what used

to be my quiet down time.

Pregnancy hormones set fire

to my laid back, easy going self!

Thankfully I am on the other side

of the first trimester craziness

and looking forward to being present

and not just surviving.

I love that God has

 chosen to grow our family. 

I am in awe of how different 

it is on so many levels (another blog post)

to experience pregnancy at nearly 40!

I have missed writing and sharing with ya'll.

It keeps me accountable

and reminds me of the

 blessings before

and behind me.

I am reminded that we live our lives

in seasons.

 The truth that our days

dont have to look the same

or even be incredibly awesome

to be living out God's will,

is healthy and freeing!

I'm sure you are in some kind of season.

One of great joy and celebration,

one of deep hurt and desperation,

or even one of feeling nothing at all.

Can you find Him faithful in your current season?
Looking forward to being back at the Nighthowells
with yall! Happy weekend.

The table was littered with the belongings of all 6 of us.
Dads computer.
Zach's Geometry.
Peyton's quarter collections.
Keaton's art supplies.
Molly's clothes.
My dirty dishes.

The table seems to be Grand Central Station in our home.
Its doesn't matter that we have a schoolroom upstairs
to house the piles of books and papers.
We all end up at the table together.
A sweet but messy situation.

We regroup on several levels just like you do

I'm sure. In the busy of basketball

schedules and school assignments

the places in our home get a little 

out of control.

Those wood floors that have accumulated

a nice thick layer of dust and dog hair

need rescuing.

The bathrooms are screaming for disinfectant.

The laundry has formed giant mountains.

The fun meals that were strategically planned out

all week have been cooked I have 5 people now

asking me whats for dinner.

It feels good

to give attention to our home.

It feels even better

 to give attention to the people

living in it.

The weekend is also a time

 for us to regroup with our

kids. To connect with each heart.

Maybe you have kids in your life

and it is a struggle to try and arrive 

on the same page with them. 

You want to know their hearts desire,

to understand how they feel,

but especially to make yourself available

to them for unloading conversation.

It can be so easy to go weeks without connecting

and those weeks start to feel like you've lost 

a bit of their hearts.

The time can be redeemed and its never too late to 

start talking to your kids!

 Especially those tween and teen aged ones.

They want to have your attention and 

that is easy to grant! 

"Is there anything you want 

to tell me that I don't know about?"

This is an easy question that invites

your kids to share something that may be hard 

to bring up on their own.

"Talk to me about how things 

went with your friends this week!"

I love this because it gives them

 permission to just

 talk and share stories.

 Sometimes hours worth of stories.

If we listen in, we can pick up things like

insecurities, excitement, and disappointment.

We cant allow the mountains of laundry

and layers of dog hair to keep us 

away from the hearts we are most

responsible for.

Jump in, tidy up, regroup, and make strides

in the relationships you have with your kids.

Start by giving them the gift of your time.

The gift of listening and availability 

can make a big difference in the condition of

their hearts!

Rising early this week 

I have heard God speaking to my heart

about light.

Before my early wake up calls

began, I never saw the sunrise...

and I was perfectly fine with that.

I am changed.

Filled with morning purpose.

My kids are in pure shock because

honestly I cant remember the last time I was

awake before them.

I have been missing moments.

I now get to see them come

down the stairs

and curl up on the couch.

I get to witness their legs that grew longer

in the night.

I'm telling you,

 God renews our

hours and supplies us with

 a fresh glimpse of urgency.

I get to watch in awe that huge sun

make its way to the tree line

breaking the dawning of 

a new day of purpose.

He reminded me that there is nothing

He is not sovereign over.

He suspends the entire globe 

in the heavens. 

So often we get stuck in

a rut with our thinking about God.

We push through the day

as if it is a burden to be alive

rather than a privilege.

His gaze is on creation.

He directs us to the work 

he's prepared for us to do.

He tells us to get busy

living in the light.

He instructs us to 

not hold back in the

 sharing the light.

He wakes us up 

to what He is doing today.

He asks us to stop chasing 

what we think we want.

He gives us the early morning reminder,

"For you were once darkness,

but now you are

 light in the Lord.

Live as children of light

for the fruit of

 the light consists in all

 goodness,

righteousness 

and truth... 

and 

find out what pleases the Lord." 

Ephesians 5:8-10

Maybe God is gently nudging or loudly shouting

for you to step into the light.

To wake up to His purpose for you today.

It felt like a parenting fail.

We were not having the kind

of day 

one enjoys writing about.

After hours of trying to get to he bottom

of a situation I said to her,

"You know what is wrong with your heart?"

She looked at me and said the textbook answer

"My heart is ugly."

I continued to give her my
 much stronger answer,

"You don't have Jesus and that is why

we aren't getting anywhere."

With passion I vented,

"As long as you continue to do things your way,

you will choose sin and sin hurts you and 

everyone around you."

Please tell me you have spoke to yourself
while venting to your kids.

In that moment 

I heard two things.

1. A little girl trying to figure out the conflicts of obeying while

her Momma was pushing Jesus as a way to be done.

2. I heard my own self speaking words that were for me first.

"You aren't listening to Jesus in this situation...that is why

you aren't getting anywhere with her heart."

Some days don't go as textbook as we plan.

Being in the thick of teaching obedience with 

kids of any age gets messy.

We love to see them soaring

and making right choices.

We love to see the "win" in their

hearts and the attitudes that flow from it.

Other days feel like a train wreck.

Every
 pep talk,

heart to heart,

lecture,

and giving of our souls

just isn't seeming

to make a connection.

This process is brutal.

Not because it is exhausting to 

go day after day teaching the same truths

so they can live a full life...

but because that 

"come to Jesus" moment 

usually is not for our kids.

That moment when we ask

God to show our kids himself in

any situation....

He brings the

sin,

attitude,

choice,

tone,

into focus in

our own hearts.

He asks us to offer grace to them

just like He extends to us.

Have you ever had that conversation with God before?

"Lord please help ________ realize their sin

and so they can have a clean heart before you

and function as a blessing in this family."

Only to have Jesus spin
 that question right around

so that the focus is on you saying,

"Jenny, you need to realize your sin

so you can have a clean heart
 before me and function as

blessing to this family."

If we are open

to parenting with grace

and leading our kids

by example...

then those "come to Jesus" moments 

we often pray for

require a reality check

in our own hearts.

Thankfully God does this for us.
He redeems the moments
 that we mess up.
He gently opens our eyes
 so that we don't miss 
what he wants to accomplish in
us as we raise up our kids
to trust Him.

How willing are you to take the correction you

give your kids and apply it to your own life?

Sometimes it takes time

to for us to hear God's best.

Often we hear but don't act.

I have been "hearing" God asking

me to switch my late night

quiet time to morning for the past 2 years...

but was not willing to act.

I loved to chase the end of the day. 

Watching sunsets is my favorite...

 making the most of the final hours.

To rise and shine early

 meant I would get to 

chase the start of the day not

just the close.

"From the RISING 

of the sun to its SETTING,

the name of the Lord is to be praised!"

Psalm 113:3

There is a cost to all this chasing.

After all, waking up 2 hours before

the rest of my house meant 

it would still be dark.

It meant that I would have too

(gasp)

go to bed before my people in order to

be AWAKE while they slept.

It all sounded so out of control!

Who does that on purpose 

if they don't have to be somewhere

in the morning?

Staying up later than

the house meant

 all was calm and quiet.

No one needed me

and I could relax into the

 things I wanted to do

without interruption.

Well folks...

I would like y'all

to meet my newest friend.

I have not loved this friend

in the past the way I should

and have honestly been in

deep denial of the possibility

of us being close. 

Over time God has been

pushing us closer together

but I keep my distance.

I have feared an unhealthy

connection and so

 I remained kind yet

distant. 

I am writing to you this morning

sitting here with this friend.

Her name is AWAKE.

That word I chose for the new

year.

The one that meant I needed 

to rise from my slumber and wake up to

Gods purpose in my life,

His written word to me,

and

His joy that reaches the people 

in my circle of influence!

I will never be that Proverbs 31 gal.

You know the one.

"She rises while it is yet night

 and provides food for her 

household and portions 

for her maidens." Proverbs 31:15

I can rise when it is yet night.

I cannot cook up a potluck at 4am

and have small group time 

with my maidens.

This friendship is new.

It will have its valleys...

I promise.

AWAKE and I will have 

some hard days and will 

not be on the same page every day.

Have you every known in your

 heart that God was asking you

to make a change

but kept distance

 from all possibility

because you didn't

 want to lose the comfort

of your old ways?

It could be any change

in your life from exercise to eating healthy

to stepping out in relationships.

He remains patient with us

sometimes pushing us gently and 

other times the push has to be brutal

in order for us to get the message.

It is a choice we have to make.

Will we rise (literally for me)

to the occasion and meet God where

He wants us?

Or will we miss out on the joy

set before us and remain stuck in our ways.

My prayer for you is that you will

chose to spend your weekend awake!

The supermom status.

Its an epidemic isn't it?

Moms are feeling the
pressure to go and do

like never before.
Its almost as if...

you aren't a good Mom
 if you don't

have a packed schedule.
If your sanity is about to burst.

The truth is...

our own kids don't 

want us to be a Supermom.

Supermom means flying

 to and fro all over the map

trying to save the day.
Or to be real...it means
doing a bunch of activities that
you don't want to be doing
so that you appear to have it
all together. In the meantime...
life is falling apart.

Not that being motivated to go and do
is a bad thing. It sure can become a Mom's identity
if she isn't careful.

What they really want is for us to be a
Momentmom.

Staying focused on the hearts at hand.

First step in removing the capes...

1. Remove the disengaged cape.
Slow down.
Take time to engage 

in conversations.
Even if they are about 

the latest model of basketball shoes.
Even if they call from 

the top of the stairs for 30 minutes
for us to come look 

at the fort they made.
Always when you need 

to apologize for
an angry moment.
Being available to guide...

Especially when 

they are broken,
but even more when 

they are beaming.

2. Remove the busy cape.
 Start saying NO.
 Even the good things
you are super at...
 aren't the best way
to spend your family time.

As we strive for that status, we are finding

that in the effort and exhaustion, 

we are losing the hearts of our kids.

3. Remove the false you cape.
Some of our running and spinning is eaten up with
trying to be someone we were completely not created to be.
Social Media contributes to this cape.
Insecurities do too.
Imagine how creatively awesome
 our friendships would be
if we all stopped trying to be
 the same person.
Our gifts would balance each other out.
Our weaknesses would find a way to come out.

We would accomplish
 our own assignments
rather than chasing
 the assignments of others.

I don't want the Supermom stressed out status.